This is an origin story. Of the forces of hope and action facing off against the banality of an evil so mediocre it defines itself only through opposition to the greater good.
(Pause narration: so, yeah, you know…that other dude has taken of late to just using various stacks of adjectives to define me as, well, a Democrat. And that’s all he’s got, it seems. It’s a pretty weak effort to repeat a tired DemocratsAreBad platform. But whatevs. When you’re an incumbent having a hard time explaining what you’ve done to help, I guess you lean into partisan division and hope no one pays close attention. And when the insults he slings just mean he’s criticizing a desire to help people, it’s a pretty clear indicator of the wide separation between the candidates.)
Back to our show: Super Ultra Liberal Left Man is farm-raised and publicly-educated! He stands for hope, equity, justice! But when we looks upon the landscape of his home, he sees:
One in four Meadville residents living in poverty.
Public education under constant threat.
Politicians supporting rollbacks of environmental protection.
Super Ultra Liberal Left Man wants to help but alas, he must face The Mediocre Right Wing — his nefarious arch-nemesis, formed when a copy of Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead fell into a vat of Fox News simmering in processed cheese. The Mediocre Right Wing, enemy to Democrats, moderate Republicans, union members, and common decency, sends out his Trolls.
The Trolls shout loudly: poverty is just laziness! Who needs public education!? Poison the water!
But Super Ultra Liberal Left Man has allies. The voters have ballots! And they will vanquish The Mediocre Right Wing, and the Trolls will disappear in a squeal of irrelevance.
(Pause narration: Like, seriously? How does a force like The Mediocre Right Wing even exist in America? The contempt for fellow human beings is hard to fathom, and the misinformed anger of the Trolls is a sight to behold. But as loud as The Mediocre Right Wing and his Trolls happen to be, we know they’re just noise. We know they’re just trying to distract us from the care we can offer. We know they’re trying to make sure we don’t vote them out of existence. They have no real power, if we don’t give it to them.)
November 3rd. We’re superheroes. Let’s do it. Vote for the world we can have. Super Ultra Liberal Left Man needs your help!